I know it’s been a while since my last post and I do apologise for the break but it’s been a very trying few weeks for me.
On 9 October we found out that mom’s cancer has spread to her spine and brain. Doctors decided to reduce the new tumours through radium treatment to ease the pressure on her nerves (the pressure on her nerves caused numbness in her left arm and hand) and doctors felt that if they did not do emergency radium treatment, she would lose feeling in her entire body eventually. So mom was admitted to hospital immediately for a course of 5 treatments with an emergency treatment being done on the same night of admission.
Mom was discharged from hospital on Wednesday 15 October and was to return to hospital on Monday 27 October 2014 for a further 6 sessions of radium treatment on her brain. This was not to be. On Monday 27 October 2014 mom lost her fight with cancer. She died peacefully in her sleep in her own bed at home at 14:30.
Today 30 October 2014 we said goodbye to mom at her funeral service.
After the funeral service, I took a drive to Mouille Point Lighthouse (one of my favourite places). I stopped along the way to buy a McFlurry (ice cream) at McDonalds remembering how mom could not wait for me to suggest buying a McFlurry after I first introduced her to it. All the memories came flooding back of how we used to buy our ice cream, drive until we found “the perfect spot” to park and enjoy our ice cream while chatting about things.
Oh how I miss you today mom and all the good times we shared. I’m sitting staring at the waves as I’m eating my ice cream and I’m just so sad. I know you’re in a better place mom, free from all the pain, but I miss you.
Your funeral went off just as you would have wanted it to go. Your brother who has held a grudge towards us for more than thirty years came to your funeral today, mom. He refused to be pall bearer when I asked him, but he came to your funeral anyway. When I saw him standing in the doorway, I walked over and thanked him for coming. I asked him if I could get a hug and, guess what mom, he hugged me. I was so shocked I burst into tears immediately. As he hugged me he whispered in my ear “take care of yourself”. This made me cry even more and he hugged me even closer and whispered again “take care of yourself, ok?” As I moved away from him I pointed to Tami [my sister] and he hugged her as well.
Oh mom! Why did this not happen while you were alive? Why did you have to die first for this to happen?
After the funeral service, someone we have not seen for more than 14 years had the audacity to talk to me about how sick dad is and how she thinks he will not make it to the end of the year. Apparently he wanted to come to your funeral but he is too weak (or so she says). So why is this important? Why am I supposed to care? Where was he for the last 14 years or more of our lives? Where was she (supposedly your friend) for the last 14 years or more? Why is it that some people think they can just waltz into your life and tell you what you are supposed to do and how you are supposed to feel?
Without giving me time and the space grieve for my mother, I’m now supposed to feel guilty about my dad who is supposedly so sick? Really?
Someone from dad’s side of the family is now suddenly looking for my telephone number. Why now? Suddenly, after more than fourteen years people suddenly remember that I exist? Where have they been these last fourteen years (or more)? I’ve done well enough for myself without them up to now, why should I let them back into my life now – after all these years?
I’ve now suddenly become the “orphan Annie” to dad’s side of the family. Suddenly they remember that I exist and everybody wants a piece of me now. I’m now is such demand. Wow! I wonder why?
We’ve had so many good times these last few years we have been on our own mom. We saw Tami and Anton getting married. Zac and Zoë being born and growing up into the lovely children they are now – you always said you wanted to live long enough to see your grandchildren and you had that privilege, mom. What wonderful times we have shared as a family.
I’m going to miss our weekly trips to the coffee shops, trying out the various options, exhausting the menu in many instances before moving on to the next one. Birthdays and Christmas (and Easter) will not be the same without you.
I miss you!
Rest in peace dear mom.
You will live on in our hearts forever.