Dear Diary: Let us love the world . . .

I instantly fell in love with this song the minute I heard it and could not help sharing this one with you.

The words and music are both so beautiful I wish I could listen to this over and over again.

If only we could all sing this one song together . . . fills me with hope for 2014 . . .

Lionel Richie – Love, oh love Lyrics…
Album: Back To Front…

Show the world and all it’s people,
All the wonders love can bring,
Give us strength and understanding,
Give us all one song to sing,

Let the music play,
Play it loud and make it clear,
It’s time to stand up,
To a new world that is now so near,

From the bottom to the top,
To the leaders of the land,
We all have one heart,
Everyone of us must lend a hand,

And let there be joy in the world,
Let there be,
And let there be no sorrow,
Let there be,
And let there be peace on earth,
Let there be,
For all the world we’ve got to see the love,

Oh love, what a blessed thing,
Oh yeah,
Say it loud,
Make it clear, today,

All the walls are falling down,
No more children off to war,
If we search in our hearts,
All the suffering will be no more,

And let there be joy in the world,
Let there be,
And let there be no sorrow,
Oh, Let there be,
And let there be peace on earth,
Let there be,
For all God’s children let them see the love,

Oh love, what a blessed thing,
Oh yeah,
Say it loud,
Make it clear, today,

And freedom no more lies,
We can save this world if we try,
One world I know we can make it,

‘Cos its only in your heart,
Yes its only in your dreams,
We can climb the highest mountains,
We can make the whole world see,
Oh yeah,

Love, oh love, what a blessed thing,
Oh yeah,
Say it loud, say it loud,
Make it clear, today,

Love, oh love, what a blessed thing,
Oh yeah,
Say it loud,
Make it clear, today,

Love, oh love, what a blessed thing,
Oh yeah,
Say it loud,
Make it clear, today,

Category: Music
License: Standard YouTube License

Conversations with Myself: Reflections

Springtime is usually the time for re-birth/re-growth.
A time to throw out the old, and bring in the new.

Spring brings:
• Change (re-birth)
• New life
• New hope
• New opportunity

Change your thoughts and you change your world
– Norman Vincent Peale

Spring is a time to . . .
• Revamp your vision
• Talk – get feedback from others
• Evaluate your competitive advantage
• Do a review of the above and modify your plan
• De-clutter your life

In South Africa, December usually marks the start of our Summer season. This week most people are preparing to take a well deserved break from work (schools have already closed for their Summer break), spending time with the family either at home or going away on holiday somewhere (locally or overseas). We are also preparing to celebrate Christmas next week and herald in the New Year the week after that.

As we come to the end of another year it is time to reflect on the year we have had and which is now coming to an end. While I’m reflecting, I’m asking myself a series of questions such as:

What has been my biggest discovery this past year?

• What have I learnt?
• What were my Aha moments?
• What did I achieve/accomplish?
• What mistakes have I made?
• What were the Laugh out Loud (LoL) moments?
• What are the memories worth saving?
• What were some of my daily blessings?

There is a Proverb about the Journey to Peace which goes like this:

The body heals with PLAY
The mind heals with LAUGHTER
And the spirit heals with JOY

I have also recently read about the three C’s of life i.e. CHOICES, CHANCES, CHANGES

You must make a CHOICE
To take a CHANCE
Or your life will never CHANGE
http://www.dailyinspirationalquotes.in

Looking back over the past year, what choices have you made? What chances have you taken? How has your life changed?

Where are you heading? Are you on a road to nowhere? Do you know where you want to go? How are you planning to get there?

What choices do you need to make? What chances do you need to take? What changes are you willing to make?

Always remember:

Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.
– Dr Seuss

Wishing you and your family
The Gift of FAITH,
The Blessing of HOPE,
And the Peace of His LOVE,
At Christmas and always

http://www.123greetings.com/events/christmas/merry_christmas/candle_of_joy_and_happiness.html

Conversations with Myself: Do I know who I am?

We all know the world we live in is made up of all different kinds of people. There are those who are humble and prefer to remain invisible and there are those who walk around filled with their own sense of self importance (the Narcissistic types).

In Psychology there are many assessment tools used to identify personality traits used either to match people to compatibility with a particular job or people in relationship with others or each other.

When doing a Google search on assessment models, I came across this one which I thought you might find interesting . . .

SCARF model of self assessment
The SCARF model of self assessment gives you insight into the five domains of the SCARF model, and indicates the importance each domain currently has in your life.

Understanding which of these five domains are key drivers for you increases self awareness as to why you (and others) behave the way you do in certain social interactions. Knowing more about your own reactions leads to better self regulation and gives you more options when dealing with other people.

The five domains are:
S = Status (people need to be recognised)
C = Certainty (people need to know how and when you are going to respond)
A = Autonomy (moving away from threats and toward rewards)
R = Relatedness (mutual relatedness and respect)
F = Fairness (to be fairly treated – works both ways)

The five domains of this model will help you to:
• Understand your own reactions and those of others
• Better regulate your emotions
• Better communicate your needs to others
• Make choices more suited to your own preferences

STATUS:
If status is your biggest driver, you are naturally competitive. You love winning but hate coming second. If status rates high in your life, you might need to watch your natural competitive spirit. You might find yourself continuing the argument simply for the sake of winning. Or you might easily be bored if the challenge is missing. You might need to remember to ‘just be.’

You are however motivated by a good contest so look for ways to bring this into your working and personal life. Competition is the norm in sales environments, the legal profession, and sporting clubs. Focus on areas where you have natural ability and can continue to improve.

Certainty:
If certainty is your biggest driver, you like things planned well in advance and you don’t like last minute changes. You have a natural affinity with systems and processes. You are a list person and often find yourself the organizer in social and work situations.

With certainty as your biggest driver, be aware that you may naturally limit yourself from doing new (and therefore uncertain) things, even those that could be good for you, like learning new tasks or travelling. You may also react very strongly when people leave things to the last minute or constantly change their mind. Remember they are not doing this just to annoy you!

To feel more reward and less threat with certainty as your key driver involves asking questions to make sure you are clear on expectations. Don’t wait for others to come to you.

Autonomy:
When autonomy is important, you like being in the driver’s seat. You like calling the shots and don’t like being told what to do or how to do it.

Be aware that you may say no to things simply because they are not your idea. You may also need to remember to give other people the opportunity to choose from time to time!

If autonomy is your biggest driver, find ways to create more choice, even if you have to stick within defined parameters. Ask for where you can have clear autonomy so you can exercise this. And watch out for tasks where you have to follow other people’s orders precisely.

Relatedness:
If relatedness is your biggest driver, you find it easy to remember things about other people. You always make the effort socially and hate it when others don’t. You find it easy to connect with others and love doing things that make others feel important and special.

When relatedness is your biggest driver, be aware that you may expect more from your friends and colleagues that they can give. You may find yourself easily offended when people don’t respond to invitations or get back to you with answers.

To increase reward and reduce threat around relatedness look for opportunities to connect with others who are important to you. This could be joining a sporting team, organizing an interest group, or phoning family at a certain time each week. Watch out for long terms situations that isolate you from others – such as working on your own.

Fairness:
If fairness is your biggest driver, you are happy if beaten by a better player but hate someone who cheats the system. People who jump the queue really get under your skin, but you’ll sign up to a roster that ensures everyone contributes equally.

When fairness is important to you, you might find yourself always speaking up for others when sometimes it’s okay just to let things slide. Fairness tends to dominate all areas of our lives, so in your relationships make room for other feelings such as simply caring for others.

To create more reward and less threat around the domain of fairness, look for ways to get involved. Knowing how decisions are made, or having a say in the process will help. This might be through a career in HR, social justice or policy creation, or getting simply joining in at a community level.

Source: http://www.scarfsolutions.com/SelfAssessment.aspx

Conversations with Myself: Words to Inspire You . . .

Maybe God wanted us to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

Maybe when the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don’t see the one which has been opened for us.

Maybe the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you’ve ever had.

Maybe it is true that we don’t know what we have got until we lose it, but it is also true that we don’t know what we have been missing until it arrives.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Don’t expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but if it does not, be content it grew in yours.

It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

Don’t go for looks; they can deceive. Don’t go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real.

Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.

Always put yourself in others’ shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can’t go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you are the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

Please send this message to those people who mean something to you, to those who have touched your life in one way or another, to those who make you smile when you really need it, to those that make you see the brighter side of things when you are really down, to those who you want to let them know that you appreciate their friendship.

And if you don’t, don’t worry, nothing bad will happen to you. You will just miss out on the opportunity to brighten someone’s day with this message.

Conversations with Myself: Having nun of that!

We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature – trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence… We need silence to be able to touch souls.
Mother Teresa

Thinking back on my childhood, I remember always having a great fascination and admiration for nuns. The few nuns I came across and the pictures I saw in magazines and newspapers, they always looked so calm and serene. I wondered what it must be like to be a nun and wondered if I would ever be able to live a life under vows of poverty, chastity and obedience to God. Would I ever be able to dedicate my life to serving one Almighty God, leaving mainstream society and live my life in prayer and contemplation in a convent?

In my early teens, I started giving this some serious thought seeing as I had grown up in church. My maternal grandmother was a devout Baptist so I spent my time with her going from one church prayer meeting, mother’s meetings, choir practice, home Bible study/prayer group etc, sleeping on the church pews or with my head on her lap, while waiting for her to finish with her duties.

When I questioned my mother about the life of a nun, she said that besides a nun having to be completely dedicated to God, she must be a virgin and must be committed to continuing to live a life of chastity for the rest of her life. According to my mom, you would not be accepted into a convent if you have had sex already (even if it was only once) and definitely not if you have already had a child or children. You would also not be accepted if you have been married before. Would I be prepared to do this? Never get married to a man and have children of my own? Mmm . . . some serious thought needed here!

One day I had an opportunity to find out what it was like in a convent and grabbed the opportunity with both hands. An aunt of mine (also a devout Baptist at the time) needed to visit someone at a convent regarding reading classes they offered to the community. Before my aunt could say another word, I firmly planted myself in her car and off we went.

Entering the convent was eerie to say the least. The silence hit you like a ton of bricks. We had to walk as quietly as we could, speaking only in whispers – we happened to arrive at the convent when the nuns were all in their rooms busy with their “quiet time” (praying, reading the Bible and meditating). Initially I thought: “ok, maybe it’s not so bad. I can do this” but by the end of our visit, I seriously had second thoughts about this. I did not doubt my faith, but I started doubting my ability to live in silence for a large part of the day and night. I would have no problem with leaving mainstream society to live my life in prayer, meditation and Bible study but the silence would kill me. I am generally a very quiet person , not loud and outspoken, but I do like a certain amount of “noise” around me and the silence I found in that convent that night, scared me.

Leaving the convent that night, I thought about my experience often. I tried to picture myself living in the convent at different times of the day. I would thrive in the way life is structured there – time to eat, time to sleep, time to work in the community and be of service to others, time for prayer and meditation and reading the Bible – yet it was the time of total silence that scared me. Why? Why is total silence to earie for me?

I’ve never thought of myself as being scared to be alone, on the contrary, I quite like my own company and being alone. I think what scares me is being in such a large building with so many people, and yet having total silence. That does not seem natural to me. Then there is the whole process of becoming a nun. Have you ever thought about the process one needs to follow to become a nun?

Candidacy:
On the day you enter the convent, there is usually a welcome celebration with family, friends and the community to begin this phase of your life. This phase can last from six months to two years. It’s a time to discover living the life of a nun is really for you.

You will bring the rich experiences of your life and live with a community of Sisters, in a neighbourhood setting near one of the ministries. You will share prayer, household responsibilities, enjoy meals together and participate in leisure activities, including community celebrations and events. You will begin working in a ministry after having a discussion with the Vocation Director about your unique gifts and talents and the opportunities available such as Health Care, Outreach to the Poor, Human or Social Service, Education, etc. You will also have time for spiritual development, retreats, workshops and travel for community events.

During this time, you will receive guidance in methods of prayer and will learn more about the spirit of Bon Secours and the meaning of religious life to broaden and deepen the understanding of your relationship with God, with your ministry, with others and the world.

When you are ready to move on to the next phase of formation, the novitiate, you will have a discussion/meeting with the Candidate Director and make a request to the leadership team.

Novitiate:
In this two-year Novitiate phase, you will begin a privileged time when the community offers you the opportunity to study, ponder and assimilate the spirit of the Gospel, especially the vows, and the spirit (charism) and mission of Bon Secours. It’s a time of deepening your relationship with Christ, during which you, the novice, and reflect on the grace and responsibility of your personal consecration to Him. You will spend your Novitiate with other novices. One year will be spent in intense study and spiritual preparation. The second year allows you to integrate into your life what you have learned about Bon Secours, the vows, community, ministry, etc. The Novitiate programme will include classes and instruction that will give you a deeper knowledge and understanding of your life as a Sister of bon Secours. You will also be able to study sacred scripture prayerfully so that the Word of God may become a motivating force in your daily life and work. You’ll study the mysteries of Christ in the Church, the principles of religious life, the vows as well as the history and spirit of Bon Secours.

The Novitiate phase ends with you formally requesting to make the temporary profession as a Sister of Bon Secours. Your vows are made during a Liturgy celebrated with the sisters, your family and friends. At this time, you receive the Bon Secours sign of commitment that all professed Sisters wear.

Temporary Profession of Vows:
This is an exciting time when you live your life and mission as a Sister of Bon Secours, participating fully in vowed membership, ministry and/or academic preparation. You will be learning how to balance the challenges of living in community and more fully integrating your deeper spiritual awareness and understanding God’s calling into your daily life and ministry.

You will live as the Sisters live. You will make time for prayer and reflection. You will share household duties with the other Sisters you live with including cleaning, shopping and cooking. You will work daily in your ministry. Evenings and weekends may find you relaxing at home, attending an event that relates to your ministry or participating in a community celebration or gathering that may mean travelling to another community for a “Come and See” Vocation or other event.

You will attend the General Assembly when all of the Sisters come together annually to discuss where they are as a community and where they are going. You will have time for retreats and will be encouraged to attend workshops and take classes in theological and scriptural studies, spirituality and human development, or advanced curriculum to augment your chosen profession.

Temporary profession by vows are always made or renewed for a clearly determined period of time, usually until final vow. The total period of temporary profession is not less than three years, nor longer than six. It is a balanced period of living community life, ministry, prayer, and study as needed; a time for you to penetrate more deeply the demands of the Gospel and your vocation in order to integrate them into your life in a concrete and responsible manner.

At the end of this phase of formation you will spend two to three months in intensive spiritual preparation to prayerfully prepare for making your final vows. You will formally request permission to become a nun.

Perpetual Profession of Vows:
This last phase of formation begins and ends with a joyous celebration as you freely give yourself to God. As a vowed member, you will continue your growth and development of the ministerial, personal and communal life of a Sister. You will be encouraged to pursue theological and spiritual studies and you will continue to discern how God is calling you to use your professional gifts and talents in ministry.
Source: http://bonsecoursvocations.org/vocation-information/becoming-a-sister/

Wow, I had no idea that it took this much work to become a nun. You really must be pretty sure of your decision before you embark on this kind of journey.

After reading about the process to become a nun, I’m more convinced than ever that I do not have what it takes to become a nun and am now, more than happy with my decision not to become one.

Conversations with Myself: Where are the voices in my head?

This week I have hit what is known as “Writer’s Block”. What is this, you may be asking yourself?

According to Wikipedia, Writer’s block is a condition primarily associated with writing as a profession, in which an author loses the ability to produce new work. The condition varies widely in intensity. It can be trivial, a temporary difficulty in dealing with the task at hand.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Writer’s_block

Why do I have writer’s block this week, you may be wondering.

Well, so much has happened in my life since September 12, 2013 starting with my mom having a Colonostomy, visits to her while in hospital and coping with daily chores at home. Mom being given the diagnosis of Cancer and me, being the primary caregiver, having to be involved in all consultations with doctors, Oncologists and other medical professionals so I could explain to mom, in plain English, what the doctors were actually saying.

Then came the devastating news that mom would require chemotherapy for one week (Monday to Friday) every month, for six months. Prior to surgery, mom was adamant that if given the option of chemo or radium, she would refuse both however, doctors had other ways of convincing mom that she needed to give this a shot (even though there is no guarantee that it will help in her particular case).

Between working full time, changing Colonostomy bags, doing household chores (cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry) and transporting mom to hospital for daily chemo, there has not been much time for anything else. By the time I’ve done the dishes at 10pm (22:00), I am ready to collapse into my own little bed to get some sleep before the alarm wakes me at 5am (05:00) the next morning.

Somewhere in-between all of this, I am supposed to be studying. I have registered for two modules at university this year which is done part time (via correspondence). With all the drama that’s happened since September 12, I have just about managed to get all the assignments done but very little studying has actually taken place. By the time 10pm (22:00) comes, I am way too exhausted to even consider opening a book – I tried last night and, if I managed to sit for 30 minutes before wanting to put my head down on my desk, it was a lot. I am meant to be writing exams on September 25 and 26 . . .

Having said all this, I am sure you will understand why I have “writer’s block” this week leaving me unable to produce any worthwhile reading material (assuming you consider my blogs to be worthwhile reading material). Hopefully, by giving you some insight into my real life, you will get to know me a little better.

Thank you for understanding. I will try to write something decent for next week but I know you will understand if you check for posts, and find nothing.

I found a blog which talks about ten types of “writer’s block” and how to overcome each type which I thought I would share with you in case you ever experience this yourself.

1. You cannot come up with an idea: you have a blank page and you keep typing and erasing, or just staring at the screen until you give up. You literally can’t even get started because you have no clue what to write about, or what story you want to tell. You’re stopped before you even start. There are two pieces of good news for anyone in this situation: (a) ideas are easy to come by, and it’s not that hard to get the idea pump primed. (b) this is the kind of creative stoppage where the typical “do a writing exercise” actually works. Do a ton of exercises. Try imagining what it would be like if a major incident in your life had turned out differently. Try writing some fanfic, just to use existing characters as “training wheels”. Try writing a scene where someone dies and someone else falls in love, even if it doesn’t turn into a story. Think of something or someone that really cheeses you off, and write a totally mean satire or character assassination.

2. You have a ton of ideas but can’t commit to any of them, and they all peter out: There’s the ideas that you lose interest in after a few paragraphs, and then there’s the idea that you thought was a novel, but it’s actually a short story. Often, the coolest or most interesting ideas are the ones that peter out fastest, and the dumbest ideas are the ones that just get your motor revving like crazy.

3. You have an outline but you can’t get through this one part of it: Some writers work really well with an outline, some don’t. There are two different reasons you could be getting stuck. (a) your outline has a major flaw and you just won’t admit it. If this is the case, you already know it, and it’s just a matter of attacking your outline with a hacksaw. (b) your outline is basically fine, but there is a part that you can’t get past because it’s boring, or because you just can’t quite see how to get from one narrative peak to the next. In either case, there is nothing wrong with taking a slight detour, or going off on a tangent, and seeing what happens. Maybe you’ll find a cooler transition between those two moments, maybe you’ll figure out where your story really needs to go next and, most likely, there’s something that needs to happen with your characters at this point in the story, and you haven’t hit on it yet.

4. You’re stuck in the middle and have no idea what happens next: Sort of the opposite problem to number 3 mentioned above. Either you don’t have an outline, or you got rid of it a while back. What tends to happen a lot – you were on a roll the day before, and you wrote a whole lot of promising developments and clever bits. You open your Word document today, and . . . you have no idea where this is going. You thought you left things in a great place to pick up the ball and keep running, and now you can’t even see the next step. Maybe you just need to pause and rethink, and maybe go back over what you already wrote. You may just need a couple of days to recharge or you may need to rethink what you already wrote. If you have been stuck in the middle for a while, then you probably need to do something to get the story moving again. Introduce a new complication, throw the dice, or twist the knife. If you’re stuck for a while, it may be time to drop a safe on someone.

5. You have a terrible feeling your story took a wrong turn a hundred pages back, and you only just hit a dead end: You made a decision that felt bold and clever – you threw the dice and dropped a safe on someone – and now you’re realising that you made a horrible mistake and you’ve gone off course. Worse, you can see where your story should be right about now, if you hadn’t made that dreadful error. If you’re absolutely sure that you’ve gone the wrong way, then there’s no point in proceeding. Is there any alternative to rewinding all the way to the original mistake and starting from there? You can also rewind partially, going back a few pages instead of all the way and then pretending you made the right choice originally. In either case, beware – you’re going to end up with two alternate timelines in your story, and it’s up to you to keep straight what happened in the timeline you’re sticking with, as opposed to the one you’re throwing away.

6. You’re bored with all these characters, they won’t do anything: Characters who don’t do anything aren’t interesting characters. Either what you’ve got here are your supporting cast, and you haven’t created your main character yet, or you haven’t found the thing that your characters really want, or the conflict that will spur them into action. You have some characters, but not a story, not yet.

7. You keep imagining all the reasons people are going to say your story sucks, and it paralyzes you: Otherwise known as the Inner Critic – you can’t make any choices, because you keep imagining how someone at GoodReads will tear you apart for it later. The person at GoodReads doesn’t exist, and it’s just your own internal critic talking here. You will need that inner voice of scorn later, when you’re revising but for now, while you’re working on a first draft, you have to drown it out. Chances are the ideas you’re putting down aren’t nearly as bad as your darkest fears tell you they might be. In any case, you can always fix it in rewrites.

8. You can’t think of the right words for what you’re trying to convey in this one paragraph: Just use the wrong verb for now, fix it in rewrites! Accept that sometimes hitting on the right word is partly a matter of visualizing the scene in your head. There’s nothing wrong with spending a day or two fussing over one sentence but if this goes on for a week, though, just pick a verb and move on.

9. You’ve had this incredibly cool story in your head, and now you’re turning it into words on a screen and it’s suddenly dumb: Is this your inner critic talking? Are you sure? Are you really sure? It’s possible that you’re actually seeing a real problem with your idea, and with the execution. There is nothing wrong with abandoning an idea and starting afresh but don’t give up too fast. It’s possible that part of your idea is salvageable, or that the idea is genuinely cool and you’ve gotten yourself stuck into a weak execution of it. Sometimes it’s helpful to step back and write a synopsis of the stuff you’ve already written, so that you can see how it fits together and whether there are some buried parts that should be turning points in the story. Sometimes it’s helpful to try writing bits of your story from a different character’s point of view, to see how they look from another vantage point.

10. You’re revising your work, and you can’t see your way past all those blocks of text you already wrote: Sometimes it takes a while of looking at your text from different angles to figure out where the problems are, and sometimes you need more feedback from more people to figure out where the real structural weaknesses are. You could try to rewrite large sections from scratch, without looking back at your original draft. Same story, new words. Sometimes, it is a lot quicker than trying to wrangle the words you already put down.
http://io9.com/5844988/the-10-types-of-writers-block-and-how-to-overcome-them

Conversations with Myself: Life is like a Chessboard

Chessboard Metaphor: http://youtu.be/rf6oVsVnfVE

You can never make the same mistake twice,
because the second time you make it, it’s not a mistake, it’s a choice
– Anonymous

Do you sometimes have trouble accepting yourself for who you are? Is there something we can do about this? Let us see . . .

Maybe you could think of your thoughts and feelings like chess pieces on a chessboard. The white pieces could represent the thoughts and feelings you want (e.g. confidence, happiness, self-esteem) and the black pieces could be the thoughts and feelings you don’t want (e.g. anxiety, fear, self-doubt, hopelessness).

Just like in the game of chess, the white pieces will try to defeat the black pieces. We want to rid ourselves of our negative thoughts and feelings. When going through difficult times in our lives, it seems like we’re losing – the black pieces knock most of the white pieces off the board. At other times, it may look like we are winning – we knock most of the black pieces off the board.

Looking closely at your life experience, what happens when you knock those black pieces off the board? Do they stay off forever, or do they come back sooner or later? You could find that new black pieces take the place of some of the old ones? It’s a continuous fight, with no end in sight. When we battle the black pieces, we battle a part of our experience, a part of ourselves. We could literally set up a situation where, in order to get on with life, large parts of our actual experience must disappear forever. We can become absorbed with our internal struggles, and disconnect from the outside world and the things in life that matter most to us. We can become so absorbed with our internal struggles that we don’t “see” the outside world.

Is it possible to let go of the fight? When playing the game of chess, is the chessboard affected or damaged in any way, or is the chessboard simply an arena where match after match can play itself out – and the board remains solid and intact, ready for whatever comes next? What if you could focus your energy on doing what you want, and carrying the positive and negative thoughts with you?

Don’t forget: there is a distinction between your thoughts and your observer self. Think of the observer as being the chessboard – as being you. Think of your thoughts and feelings as being the chess pieces. The chessboard carries the pieces, but it is not equal to the pieces. In the same way, you carry your difficult thoughts, you observe those thoughts, but you are not equivalent to those thoughts.
Adapted from: http://acceptandchange.com/ACTOZ/qu4_pg2.html

Living Strategically: 50 Lessons Chess Teaches You about Life

1. Purpose: In chess, every move has a purpose. Obviously we cannot live life with so much unceasing calculation, nor should we want to, but there are times when we need to align our actions with a predetermined strategy instead of just fumbling our way through it.
2. Play for the advantage: If you already have it, maintain it. If you don’t have it, grab it with both hands.
3. Everyone’s playing: Sometimes it’s a friendly game, often it is more serious. The problem is that not everyone knows they’re playing – even after they have made a move.
4. Seize the initiative: If you wait around for someone else to make a decision for you, they will . . . and you probably won’t like the outcome.
5. Learn to spot patterns: There are often clearly defined lines of success that work well. Learn to see these when they repeat, and take advantage of them.
6. Don’t get stuck on the formula: A little bit of creativity and lateral thinking can often take you to new heights.
7. Ignore what your opponent is trying to do at your own risk: We often get so absorbed in our own games and scheming that we ignore what is going on around us. Be aware of threats and alert to opportunities.
8. Simplify.
9. Take on challenges: If you only play beginners games, you never really improve – take on a few tough challenges, and even if you lose, try to learn something new.
10. Cut your losses: Sometimes you are going to lose material. Try to minimise your losses and move on.
11. Play the board, not the player: Don’t target your responses at people, target what they say and do. There is a difference.
12. When every move is a bad one: Sometimes you get stuck in a position known in chess as zugzwang: where no matter what move you make, it’s a bad one. This is just the way it goes sometimes, in chess and in life.
13. A discovered attack: There is nothing more satisfying than a discovered attack: pretending to do one thing, while attacking somewhere else. Learn to play and live less obviously and on more levels. This makes you less predictable and more interesting.
14. Sacrifice material for position: Be prepared to sacrifice material for position. Sometimes even the greatest material sacrifice can result in a winning position later on.
15. Care less about small victories: If you spend all of your time chasing lowly pawns, you may be on the receiving end of an opponent who cares less about small victories and more about winning the war.
16. Moves that improve your own position: A threat is best met with a move that improves your own position. Don’t get trapped into mindlessly trading moves and material in anger. Sometimes the solution is more gentle and rational.
17. Be better: You don’t have to be a devious cheat to win . . . you just have to be better.
18. Bad mistakes: We all mess up from time to time. This does not mean we should give up and run away. Often when you’re sure there is no way out after a bad mistake, you will be given a lifeline.
19. Making silly moves: When someone makes a move that you cannot understand, don’t read more into it than you need to. Sometimes people just make silly moves – that’s all there is to it.
20. Have a Plan B: Have a plan B, and a Plan C. If none of these work, you’re probably doomed.
21. Your opportunity will come: Play for the middle. Don’t hold back too much, and don’t push through too soon. Your opportunity will come.
22. Play wisely: How you start a game determines how you will finish it. Play wisely.
23. Seize the opportunity: If an opening appears, seize it immediately.
24. Don’t get pinned down: Where something more cherished cannot be included because it is stuck behind something trivial, make every effort to get it into the game – as soon as possible.
25. Anticipate what could go wrong and plan accordingly: In the end game, attack the King by focussing your attention on his escape squares: When you are in the final stretch, and about to win, anticipate what could go wrong and plan accordingly.
26. Be flexible: It seldom goes the way you planned – adjust and continue.
27. Boxed-in: If you are feeling boxed-in, free things up.
28. Trade inferior material and positions: Where possible, trade inferior material and positions for better ones.
29. Take care of the little guys: The little guys on your side matter. Look after them.
30. Small advantages: Accumulate small advantages.
31. Foregone conclusions: There are no foregone conclusions in life or in chess.
32. Ignore meaningless threats: Anticipate and deal with dangerous ones quickly.
33. Keep looking for new opportunities: Never rest on your laurels. Keep thinking, looking for new opportunities and trying to generate new ideas.
34. Rank and Titles: Don’t be overly impressed with grand words or titles. The only thing worse than being overly insecure towards those who outrank you, is being dismissive of those inferior to you.
35. Keep calm and move slowly.
36. Take action: Replace wishful thinking with action.
37. Learn one important lesson: If you lose, do so graciously and try to learn at least one important lesson.

I’ve learned so much from my mistakes . . .
I’m thinking of making a few more.
– Anonymous

38. Draw is better than a loss: Sometimes a draw is as good as a win, but a draw is always better than a loss.
39. Always have an escape route: Keep your options open and always have an escape route.
40. Creativity always has a purpose: Surprise and impress people with unconventional moves, but not with dumb ones. Creativity always has a purpose – doing something wild and crazy just for the sake of it may be fun at the time, but ultimately has no value. Break the rules – but only if it serves a good purpose.
41. Assess/Evaluate your position honestly: If it is bad, do something about it. If it is good, make it even better.
42. Don’t get swept away by distractions.
43. Narrow down your choices: and then decide. Take your time, but settle on one plan of action . . . and then DO IT!
44. Sacrifice: Sometimes you have to sacrifice in order to achieve a break-through.
45. Look at the bigger picture: Always consider the whole board when deciding on a move: decisions made with too narrow a focus are often bad.

What you see, depends on what you are looking for.
– Anonymous

46. Collaboration and co-operation: Connect your pieces cleverly. Collaboration and co-operation are the keys to success.
47. Look beyond the obvious.
48. Enjoy yourself
49. Deep and meaningful is always better than superficially pretty.

Success is not always what you see.
– Anonymous

50. Fake it till you make it: If all else fails . . . fake it!

Source: http://seanhamptoncole.wordpress.com/2013/03/26/living-strategically-50-lessons-chess-teaches-you-about-life/

Conversations with Myself – Somewhere in the world . . .

This past week, my thoughts and conversation with myself has been directed at time – how it is a changer of seasons. I’ve thought about having peace of mind and finding my place in the world. These thoughts brought me back to a song sung by Boney M called: Somewhere in the world which perfectly captures my thoughts for this week.

Somewhere In The World
Songwriters: DAVIS/KEILHAUER/GROHE
Sung by: Boney M

Time, changer of seasons, time will see another flower growing.
Climb over the mountains, there you’ll find warm winds blowing.

Somewhere in the world there is peace of mind.
Somewhere in the world that’s what I must find.
Somewhere in the world there’s a place for me in this world.

I cannot believe it, everywhere I see lonely faces.
Why have we no answers, just some more empty places?

Somewhere in the world there is peace of mind.
Somewhere in the world that’s what I must find.
Somewhere in the world there’s a place for me in this world.

Time, changer of seasons, time will see another flower growing.
Climb over the mountains, there you’ll find warm winds blowing.

Somewhere in the world there is peace of mind.
Somewhere in the world that’s what I must find.
Somewhere in the world there’s a place for me in this world.
Somewhere in the world there is peace of mind.
Somewhere in the world that’s what I must find.
© 1994 by Far Musikverlag GmbH, Berlin

Conversations with Myself: The Winds of Change

This post was written for publication last week but due to September being such a hectic month for me, I never got around to actually publishing it. My sincere apologies to all my loyal followers. I try my best to post weekly but sometimes “life” just gets in the way.

Have you noticed that change can be a tremendously upsetting and life-changing event, disturbing the fragile comfort of life as we know it? Moving from the known to the path of the unknown and new often requires a special mindset to dispel the negative thoughts that penetrate our minds and prevents us from embarking on the path of discovery with an open mind and positive outlook.

September 2013 has been one such month for me – a month of tremendous change and I have once again questioned my resilience to change. Let me explain:

Currently, the centre of my life is my mother. For the last 12 years we have shared a house and have become extremely close. We do everything together, go everywhere together – like twins attached at the hip. September started with mom having a Colonoscopy which revealed two polyps and a tumour on her colon – all cancerous and has been removed. She also had some cancerous glands at the base of the Aorta (just before it branches into the legs).

Needless to say, the rug has been pulled from under me. In my heart I knew mom would not live forever and her cancer being in the very early stages means that she could still live for a number of years, but it suddenly jolted me into the reality that death could be closer than we think. Anyone of us could die at any time, but I still fooled myself into believing that my mom would still be around for a very long time. Mom now has to live with a Colonostomy bag – a daily reminder of how fragile her life has become overnight. A major adjustment in both our lives.

While questioning my own resilience to change I was reminded of a book called “Who moved my cheese?” by Dr Spencer Johnson (no relation to me – not to my knowledge anyway).

The book is a tale about how to cope positively with change and deals primarily with change that takes place in the work-place, however, I think there is merit in applying the principles in all aspects of our lives, for example:

THE CENTRE OF OUR LIVES:
• Who or what is currently the centre of your life?
• What happens or what will happen when this centre becomes smaller and eventually disappears from your life?
• Will you go off in search of another “centre” or will you play the “victim” for having lost the “centre” of your life?
• Will clinging to the “old” be a help or a hindrance to you? How will you move forward?
• Does losing your “centre” mean the end of the world for you? Will it mean that the future will hold nothing but fear and uncertainty?
• Noticing the “centre” disappearing or fading away, have you prepared for the inevitable (physically and mentally)?
• Has your lack of planning for the inevitable left you feeling unprepared/angry/annoyed? Do you feel life has been unfair to you? Are you stuck in the victimised mindset? Do you blame others for your situation/problems?

Instead of seeing change as the end of something, we need to see it as a beginning: “If you do not change, you can become extinct” [a quote from the book]

Life demands a level of risk and adventure in order for it not to be wasted. If you are willing to live this way, change can lose its sting.

Breaking through your fears brings freedom and independence.

More quotes from the book:

“What would you do if you weren’t afraid?”
“When you move beyond your fear, you feel free.”

Some pearls of wisdom from the book:

Change happens:
They keep moving the cheese (life always sends new curve balls your way)

Anticipate change:
Get ready for the cheese (your centre) to move

Monitor change:
Smell the cheese often (review your centre often) so you know when it’s getting old (when your centre is about to change)

Adapt to change quickly:
The quicker you let go of old cheese, the sooner you can enjoy new cheese (the sooner you prepare for change, the sooner you can move forward)

Change:
Move with the cheese (move with the times, plan ahead)

Enjoy change!
Savour the adventure and enjoy the taste of new cheese (enjoy the ride – appreciate the good and face the challenges head-on)

Be ready to change quickly and enjoy it again:
They keep moving the cheese – change happens!

Do you have a “big cheese” in your life that you believe will last forever? How will you adapt to losing this “big cheese”?

Relationships with the opposite sex

Relationships – why are they so complicated or do we unnecessarily complicate them ourselves? I’m talking about relationships with the opposite sex.

In my world view created for me by my parents, it was socially acceptable for the man to be a year or two older than the woman – even up to five years older. On the other hand, when the woman was older than the man, it was questioned immediately. “What does she want from him?”, “she has a hidden agenda”, “she wants to corrupt the poor guy” etc.

You see, it was socially acceptable for the man to be older because this would usually mean that he was “wiser” than the woman (because of his age, he has more life experience and possibly even had one or more sexual encounters so he could teach her all she needs to know about life and what to do when it came to sexual relations). It was not acceptable for the woman to be older in age because this would mean that she must have had at least one (if not more) sexual encounter which meant that she could teach him a thing or two and this was totally taboo (socially, I mean).

In my world view constructed for me, when a man is 15 years older than the woman, she should run like mad in the opposite direction and get as far away from him as possible because all he is interested in is getting her into bed and “corrupting” her – making her sexually wise before her time. The woman (or girl as she would be referred to) would be forbidden from seeing this man to the point of being “kicked out of her parents’ house” if she dared to disobey the parents (usually the father) and continued to see this guy “without her parents’ permission. The father would threaten to disown her – cut off her right to inheritance from the parents’ Estate if she dared continue having a relationship with this man.

Having a woman 15 years older than the man was almost unheard of. If this happened, it was not spoken about in public – everything was kept behind closed doors.

Parents whispered about this when the children were all safely tucked in bed so they did not overhear the conversation.

Was this woman also made to suffer the same fate as the woman involved with an older man, or did they have different rules?

Mmmm . . . I wonder!