Dear Diary: Let mystery have its place in you . . .

Let mystery have its place in you;
do not be always turning up your whole soil with the plough share of self-examination,
but leave a little fallow corner in your heart ready for any seed the winds may bring,
and reserve a nook of shadow for the passing bird;
keep a place in your heart for the unexpected guests, an altar for the unknown God.
Then if a bird sings among your branches, do not be too eager to tame it.
If you are conscious of something new—thought or feeling, wakening in the depths of your being—
do not be in a hurry to let in light upon it, to look at it;
let the springing germ have the protection of being forgotten,
hedge it round with quiet, and do not break in upon its darkness.
Henri Frederic Amiel

Conversations with myself: I’m in turmoil

 

 

The conversation with myself I planned to share with you this week was supposed to be about the importance of community paralegals. However, I am currently in such turmoil about desperately being in need of a career change that I thought I better get this off my chest first.

The job I have currently (which I am extremely grateful for because it enables me to put food on the table) is no longer challenging. I have been in the same position for the last 10 years and have become bored and stifled with no room for growth or upward (or sideways) movement. I feel like a goldfish in a goldfish bowl going round and round in circles and getting absolutely no where. I’ve exhausted all the avenues via the hierarchal structures for movement within the organisation which has all fallen on deaf ears and, quite frankly, I’m now tired of asking, talking, begging, pleading etc.

I am currently working as a Communications Officer for a national Government department specialising in Internal Communications – managing website content, internal publications (newsletters etc), printed resources, promotional material etc

I’m being trained as a workshop facilitator (Train-the-Trainer programme)by Disabled People SA which is a 3-year voluntary programme I signed up for and which is one avenue I could pursue (to offer my services as a Workshop Facilitator). I would be able to provide advocacy type training as opposed to certified courses for which I am sure there is a need out there somewhere?

I have a Paralegal Diploma and am currently studying towards a BA Criminology degree so a Community Paralegal is also an option.

I have more than 30 years working experience as an Administrator so I’m very seriously considering starting a Virtual Assistant business from home, but, like any business run from home, the risk and financial insecurity is high and as sole breadwinner in my household, I’m not sure I’m ready to take the plunge. I am extremely diligent in the execution of tasks, excellent time management skills and “organised” is my middle name. I am a firm believer in “To Do” lists and have a “To Do” list for a “To Do” list (if you know what I mean?). Setting up database systems, bookkeeping to Trial Balance stage are all duties which formed part of my portfolio over the years.

The other gift/passion I have is event planning and organising. I absolutely loved organising surprise birthday parties and celebrations for my family – coming up with a unique concept, planning, implementing the plan and watching the reaction on the day is priceless to me but, do I want to do this for a living? Will doing this for a living take the fun and pleasure out of it for me? Will this then become “just a job”?

If I have all these options available to me, why is it so difficult to make a decision? I know the perfect career is out there somewhere just waiting for me, I just have not found it yet.

My biggest fear of walking away from what I have right now is the job security. Where I am now, the chances of being fired are almost non-existent (unless I do something terribly outrageous which is not part of my nature to do) and with the unemployment rate in South Africa being what it is at the moment, job security is what you need to hold on to as long as possible.

So what do I do? Do I walk away from the security blanket or do I stick it out? What do I do in the meantime while I stick it out? I’ve exhausted all the possible ways I could make my current job more interesting and exciting and have run out of options.

What do I do? Mmmmmm??

My African Dream – The price of freedom . . .

On Freedom day this year (27 April 2012) the President of our country announced that 14,651 sentenced offenders would be released conditionally or unconditionally and approximately 20,855 probationers and parolees would be freed. The final 3,800 prisoners in theWestern   Capewere released today.

Since the release of the first batch of prisoners, 47 prisoners (nationally) have already re-offended and are back behind bars for violating the conditions of their remission of sentences.

One woman admitted that she deliberately re-offended so she could go back to prison because she had no support system at home and without a job and a home to go to, she felt she would be better off if she went back to prison.

What a shame – why did Correctional Services not prepare these prisoners for release? Why did they not do home visits to ensure that the home environments they were sending these prisoners to would be enable them to reintegrate into society and family life with the minimum amount of stress? Did Correctional Services even bother to ask the prisoners if their support structures at home were adequate and would it enable them to reintegrate into family life?

Did our President stop for one moment to think about the consequences of his actions? Did our President expect the Correctional Services officials to blindly execute his instruction or did he expect them to say “hold on, Mr President. Releasing these prisoners is not that simple”.

With the high unemployment rate in our country, was it wise to release all these prisoners into a society and community which cannot even provide jobs for those without criminal records and matriculants?

What has happened to our planning skills? Don’t we know how to plan anymore? Infrastructure is falling apart because regular maintenance has not been factored into our planning and budgeting. Health care and our Education system has fallen apart because no Succession Plan was put in place when our knowledgeable and senior skilled people were retrenched or put into “early retirement”. 

For the last number of years, people have chosen to work in silos, so when somebody is off work for whatever reason, there is nobody to step in and fill the gap until that person returns. Everyone wants to be an “expert” and a Manager – nobody wants to get their hands dirty anymore. Even our matriculants have said on national television, “I did not get my Matric certificate to clean toilets”. In some overseas countries cleaning toilets and sweeping the streets are the highest paying jobs you can find. InSouth Africa, however, it is the complete opposite.

Some people have left the country out of sheer frustration of having the knowledge and skills and not receiving any recognition for it.

Coming back to our prisoners recently released (pardoned) – do they have marketable skills? Have they learnt a trade while in prison? Do they know how to prepare a CV and how to market themselves? Do they even know where to start looking for a job? Have they thought about what they want to do once they are released? Did they have time to think through all these questions before being released?

So many unanswered questions, yet so few (if any) questions are asked. Why?

Where are we going as a country? As individuals? Do we only live for today and forget to dream about tomorrow?

In the words of the late John Lennon:

You, may say
I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one
I hope some day you’ll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people sharing all the world